


Jalter Goes to the Vet

by BraveInvisibleWorld



Category: Fate/Grand Order, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Crack, I will NEVER call Gudao or Gudako Ritsuka, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-09-16
Packaged: 2019-07-13 02:19:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16008248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BraveInvisibleWorld/pseuds/BraveInvisibleWorld
Summary: I made this at like 12 in the morning





	Jalter Goes to the Vet

It was a typical morning when Gudako encountered her neighbor with a coincidentally similar name. She had given up on insisting telling him to change his clothes a long time ago because no matter what she did, he would end up having the same outfit.

 

“Hey, Gudao,” the redhead girl waved.

 

“Wig!” Gudao said back.

 

“This is why I don’t want to talk to you.”

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“Walking my rat, Jalter.” Gudako held up the leash in her hand. Jeanne Alter looked moody as Gudao stared at her. She then decided to mess with him.

 

“GRHGHAHDHADSH!” She bared her fangs.

 

Gudao shrieked, “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Get your fucking dog, bih!”

 

Gudako shrugged. “She don’t bite.”

 

“YES SHE DO!” The rat lunged at him.

 

***

 

“Umu! How may, umu, I help you today, umu?” asked Nero at the front office of veterinary clinic.

 

Gudako started, “Hi, my name is Gudako, and I was here for an ap—”

 

“Umu, I cannot, umu, understand, umu, your accent.”

 

“Uh, I am, umu, here, umu, to have, umu, my goat checked, umu by the vet.”

 

“Oh, I see, umu!” She nodded. The doctor, umu, will be right with you and your… umu, squirrel.”

 

Jalter was sulking. She didn’t really mean to bite THAT hard, but Gudao ended up at the emergency room anyways. The bite was fatal. He died seconds later. His last wish was to get nipples drawn on. As a courtesy, Da Vinci and Hokusai drew a few nipples on him. They did not know how many he wanted so they drew seven. Four were not on his chest where nipples usually are.  

 

Jalter was worried; what could they possibly do to her at this place?  Then, she heard it. The footsteps of someone who looked like Sakura Matou but with bigger boobs for some reason and the scraping of a HUGE needle. She seemed invigorated by her job. The needle was yeeted to the side.

 

“Hello, star-nosed mole! Today we’re gonna give you an examination. First, I need to see your credit card, your social security card, and your driver’s license.”

 

“Why the fuck would I need those things? I’m already dead.”

 

“You fucking moron. I’m talking about your master, you shithead platypus. You know what? Fuck you; you have rabies.” said BB with fury.

 

Gudako cried, “Oh no! Jaltew I’m sorry that you have rabies uwu : (“

 

“IT’S UMU!” Nero yelled.

 

Gudako then forked over the very important cards.

 

BB beamed. “Ok! First we’re gonna use anesthesia.”

 

“Isn’t she that Russian?” Jalter asked.

 

She promptly chucked a rock at Jalter, knocking her unconscious. Jalter’s head had an indent like this:

 

  


“Aw, she’s so cute when she’s asleep,” Gudako giggled.

 

“On with the examination!” BB held out a massive-ass magnifying glass, zoomed in on Jalter’s head, and whacked the shit out of her even more. “She has ligma too.”

 

“Is there a cure?”

 

“No, but I can try to give her the imovax.”

 

“Isn’t that given if you’re bitten by an animal?”

 

“Who here has a degree? Me.” Then she grabbed the huge syringe from the floor and injected Jalter with it. And then Jalter turned into rat prisms.

 

“I’m sorry, ma’am, but it looks like the ligma was too strong.” BB patted Gudako gently. Gudako then burst into tears.

 

Mash was just standing there awkwardly in the background the entire time. She wanted to go home. Mordred was also there, but he was trying to get arrested doing sick flips with Mash’s shield.

 

“Mo-san, please, my Dad will get mad if that shield breaks,” said Mash, with worry in her voice.

 

“Fuck Lancelthot,” Mordred said with energy as he slipped sending the shield flying and exploding Jekyll’s head cuz he was there killing animals or something.

 

“Umu, so your total, umu, for this visit, umu, is $1000 in saint quartz, umu,” Nero chirped.

 

Gudako then set the entire clinic on fire. Gudao’s wig that flew all the way from the hospital fell on the ashes. He was bald and nippleless this entire time.

 

Jalter Lily suddenly appeared from the ashes of her older self. “Shut up and play Fortnite,” she preached.

 

And then Mysterious Heroine Lancer Summer Santa Saber Alter Lily Coochie XX smoked weed, and nothing of value was lost. Until she ran over Roman who was still a virgin except for the time Da Vinci let him smack it once.

 

Wig.


End file.
